or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize