Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
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Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
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He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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