oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize