my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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