I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize