I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize