ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize