I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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