Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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