Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize