i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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