If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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