dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
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So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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