He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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