I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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