I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize