Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs speak an international language.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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