My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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