I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
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I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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