you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
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I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
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I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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