I hate your face
Life is so much better after having sex.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
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The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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