I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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