i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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