Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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