new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize