I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
there was a trapeze. enough said
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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