The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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