I'm so fucking centered right now
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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