it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
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Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
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Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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