his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
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Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
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I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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