I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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