just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
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The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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