Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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