i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
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We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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