I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize