Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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