We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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