sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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