does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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