I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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