I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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