i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
it's not cheating when I paid for it
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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