woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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