Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
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Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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