I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize