TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
its not stalking. its research.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
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Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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