Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
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Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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