I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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