this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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