i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
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Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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