this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize