I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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